From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Barry Crimmins, a satirist and writer for Air America, puts 2005 into the VeggieMaticTM...
By the time we got to ["Duke"] Cunningham's sobbing exit, no one--absolutely no one--could keep track of all the scandals involving the Bush-Cheney administration, the Republican Congress, and state and local Republican leaders and their corporate and evangelical cronies. There were procurement scandals, media scandals, emergency-preparedness scandals, even treason scandals. These people stole everything, from coins in Ohio to billions in Iraq...
And then [the Bush] administration is fraught with every possible insider scandal. They fix intelligence, they fix the media, they fix government contracts, and now the man that promised to hand them Ohio [Wally O'Dell, CEO of Diebold] leaves his job at the secret voting-booth company because he was caught insider trading. Is it paranoid to connect the dots and understand that we have been living, for the past five years, under an unelected criminal regime? Or is it, to put it in W-era parlance, a slam-dunk? Use your own intelligence and trust it.
The Republican Congress was a disgrace throughout the year. Low points included the ethics scandals that embroiled both the House and Senate majority leaders. Congressman Tom DeLay was indicted for money laundering, the only known connection to anything clean in his sordid career. A primary player in DeLay's K Street (soon to be renamed Shakedown Street) Project was lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who funneled funds, goods, and junkets to DeLay and others in exchange for right of first refusal on all legislation. The scandal is complicated and far-reaching and, as such, is my pick to click in 2006 -- an ideal year for all Americans to take a good look at just how bought and paid-for their legislators really are.
Regardless of what Bush makes of the latest election in Iraq, his game is up there. Congressman Jack Murtha, a man who never met a military action he'd question, has become the voice of the generals Donald Rumsfeld has censored. He knows the cause is lost, and that it's time to get out. He knows that US troop presence will do nothing more than provoke perpetual violence. And he's earned a crisp salute for saying so...
Bush picked a fight he didn't need to pick. And lost. In doing so he weakened our nation and allies, and strengthened our enemies. And he did one more thing: he secured his place in history as a dangerous and soulless lunatic.
Say this much for Cunningham. He set a good example for his fellow Republicans by resigning in disgrace. If by next year at this time we've seen several more Republicans blubbering like defrocked beauty queens after copping pleas, 2006 will seem blessedly shorter than 2005.
...and infinitely more Tivo-worthy. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Note: Okay, who's the "Secret Santa" who drugged Ralph Nader and left him under our tree? Please come get him so he'll stop stealing the spark plugs from our car.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til 2006: 5
Days `til first-class stamps go to 39 cents: 12
Number of people displaced by the tsunami last year: 1.8 million
Percent who still don't have permanent housing: 80%
Number of CDs sold in the U.S. this year: 544 million
Percent change from 2004: -12%
(Source for the above 4 items: Time)
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: "Unnnhh...I think I might've packed on a few pounds over the weekend. Uuuuuurrrp! `Scuse me."
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CHEERS to the highest bidder. The YearlyKos e-Bay auction is off and running. Click here to check out the goods. My contribution was removed, unfortunately. Something about a restriction on selling body parts.
CHEERS to the C&J Emergency Wingnut System. ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK!! "Attention, America: If Samuel Alito gets confirmed, he will---by his own admission---vote to overturn Roe v. Wade. This is not a drill!" It is, however, a whopper of a test.
JEERS to losing the droopiest eyes in show business. Hey God, quit stealing our character actors! Vincent Schiavelli---who added a dependably creepy element to virtually every film he was in (e.g. "Get off my train!" in Ghost)---died in Sicily at 57. Lung cancer. Argh.
CHEERS to a good run. Last night marked the end of Monday Night Football on ABC (ESPN got broadcast rights for a mere $1.1 billion). A lot of folks think the broadcast "jumped the shark" when they put Dennis Miller in the booth. I say it was when Howard Cosell left:
"Without me, the nature of the telecasts was entirely altered. I had commanded attention. I had a palpable impact on the show, giving it a sense of moment. If that sounds like ego, what can I say? I'm telling it like it is."
In case you missed it: Patriots won 31-21. A storybook ending...
CHEERS to the world in focus. Happy 433rd birthday to Johannes Kepler, the "founder of modern optics." Among many other accomplishments, he designed the first lenses to help farsightedness and (our affliction) nearsightedness. And this is how we thank him??
DOUBLE JEERS to the plastic homewrecker. I ask only two things in this household. I forget what the first one is, but the second one is no artificial Christmas trees under this roof! Yesterday Michael dragged home a cardboard box from CVS with a fake tree in it. "It's pre-lighted and it sets itself up in less than five minutes and it was half-off," he said. "Great way to inaugurate my new flame thrower," I said. This couch is lumpier than I thought it'd be.
CHEERS to blessed silence. They've turned off the Christmas carols. It's safe to come out now. (And we made it through the season without hearing a single note of Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. Whoo-hoo!)
JEERS to the Snappy Prince. Molly Ivins cautions Republican Kool-Aid drinkers that Bush's power grab can bite back...
If Bush were a different kind of president, they might have gotten away with [usurping the Constitution] right after 9-11. People were genuinely frightened, and there's always that old fantasy that somehow Daddy Will Take Care of Us If We Do Exactly What He Tells Us to Do.
But George W. Bush is not a daddy president, he's the Testy Kid---Mr. Snippy. Every question is lese-majeste to the Snappy Prince, and a follow-up question is outright treason. He sees no reason why he should answer to us.
Attention Americans: We have, under the Constitution, a strong executive, noticeably more so than in other democracies. The whole history of the struggle for freedom is about how to curb and balance the powers of the executive.
The United States of America has over 200 years of experience with these questions, and you know what? George W. Bush is not the smartest guy to come along in over 200 years. Be cautious. Be very cautious. Do not endorse authoritarianism out of knee-jerk partisan impulse---this shoe will be on the other foot eventually.
Or as Bush calls them, "footie wooties."
CHEERS to sage advice. While partaking in our traditional Episcopalian Christmas meal---all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet---we got a fortune cookie message that said, "An empty stomach is not a good political advisor." No, but it sure beats hiring Bob Shrum.
CHEERS or JEERS to today's DVD releases. Go ahead and take a look at the list here. We're still recovering from seeing Hotel Rwanda yesterday afternoon.
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One Year Ago in C&J: December 27, 2004...
JEERS to not being able to keep up. Jesus. Every time we refresh our Yahoo home page, the death toll from the tsunami in Asia goes up. Last night it was 11 thousand, this morning it's over 21,000. Sometimes all you can do is allow your jaw to drop and let it stay there.
CHEERS to sustenance. An unmanned spaceship loaded with food docked with the U.S./Russian-manned space station yesterday, just as they were running out of vittles. There was a slight snag, though, which is why next Sunday another unmanned spaceship will be launched with the $#!%@! can-opener.
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And just one more...
JEERS to not supporting the troops. Or the bulldozer... Or the supply truck... Or the...oh, just watch this. If they ever send me to fight, I'm takin' the train.
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless testimonial:
"I need hardly say how sensitive Cheers and Jeers is, and ask that it have no wider circulation."
---Charles Fried
Former Solicitor General under Reagan